How productive are YOUR political conversations?
10 Tips for
Bully Proofing
Your Political
Conversations
Tai chi - align and redirect
Agree with some aspect of the remark and redirect the energy of the blow. For example, "That's an interesting idea. And I can see you're as upset as I am about (primary complaint, such as deficit spending.) Why do you suppose two reasonable people like us would agree on the issue and see the solution so differently?"
Question
When a remark seems unfair, belittling and unreasonable, calmly ask, "What approach do you think is appropriate in this situation? Are you implying that? What do you mean by that remark? Are you upset with me for disagreeing?"
State effect
Let the offender know how their remark affects you. For example, "That remark shuts me down, and I'd like to have a civil exchange of ideas with you. Your intensity is scaring me. Is that what you want?"
State your own opinion
Let them know what you think in a direct way. "I've researched this extensively and come to the conclusion that."
Throw it back at them
I don't usually recommend responding in kind, but sometimes it can be a needed wakeup call. "I can be just as insulting as you can. Is that what you want?"
Ask for What you Want
Ignore any emotional dynamic and simply ask for what you want. For example, "Let's act like we respect each other, even when the topic gets political."
Augment, Don't Argue
Make comments that add to their point without refuting their point. For example, instead of saying yeah but, say, "Yes, and..."
Reflect defective thinking
If what they're saying clearly reflects defective thinking, reflect it rather than refute it. Say, "Are you suggesting that?" or "Am I hearing you right?" or "Let me make sure my understanding is clear. Are you saying that because (conclusion) will happen?". Then take it to its logical implications. "If that's true wouldn't it mean that?"
Refer to Facts
If the bully seems to be basing their overbearing opinions on faulty facts, offer to check them. Say,"Let's check the facts and then talk again. Continue with something like, "I'd like to pool our knowledge on this topic because we have access to different information. I've researched this topic and some of your information is flawed. Here are the facts I've uncovered."
Exercise walk-away power
You don't have to engage in an abusive dialogue. If your political-other seems determined to conquer rather than concur, simply say,"This isn't working. Let's not do this. I'd rather just discuss the weather with you. Perhaps we can revisit this later and see if we can be more open to each other then."
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Reasonable responses
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